


don't tell me not to worry

by transiock



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 11:11:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19105921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transiock/pseuds/transiock
Summary: Bucky being nervous about staying the night.





	don't tell me not to worry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goldenurn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenurn/gifts).



His room smelled like a campfire, like summer, like climbing trees with big smiles. Bucky stood a few paces in front of the door, his bag halfway off his shoulder, suddenly seventeen and unsure despite being in college and on his own. Well. Mostly on his own.

Steve was already getting ready for bed, lifting his shirt over his head, walking easily into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, and Bucky was very close to turning to dust— his heart somewhere he couldn’t find it but could still feel the heavy  _ thump, thump, thump _ of his blood. His fingers were near numb, his physical form slowly separating from his immaterial. 

And it wasn’t that Bucky hadn’t seen him shirtless before, he had plenty of times, but this was so very different. This time it meant more than friends’ intimacy. This was Steve placing a different type of trust in Bucky’s hands, one much heavier and much more fragile. He stood stock still in his place until Steve caught his eye.

“You alright?” He asked gently, water dripping off his face.

Bucky swallowed, nodding quickly and moving a few steps forward, trying to prove that he was still somehow solid, that his feet wouldn’t slip through the shitty dorm carpet. All of this was surreal, and Bucky had a hard time wrapping his head around Steve saying yes, much less saying yes to him staying over. Maybe it wasn’t as big of a deal as Bucky thought it was. 

Steve went back to hunching over the sink, and Bucky, in the small moment of indirect privacy, went to sit on the floor, his back against the foot of the bed. He could see the outline of Steve’s back perfectly from where he was, and his heart picked up its already fast pace. The image of asking Steve, his Steve, out in the first place was playing over and over in his head, and every time, he found a new thing to cringe at until he was convinced Steve was only humoring him. 

The logical part of him, though small and quiet, was nudging memories of their long friendship, of their childhood of sunburns and sneaking into movie theaters, of their growing up and moving to the same college, but Bucky still couldn’t shake the thick layer of anxiety. By the time Steve was walking out of the bathroom, Bucky’s mind was swimming.

He could feel Steve’s eyes on him, and that sparked a whole new wave of anxiety, one saying he shouldn’t even be feeling like this. Steve and him were on the same page. He had gotten the answer he had been hoping for, and he couldn’t just let his mind rest for five fucking seconds. He had to make a big fucking deal out of everything.

All of it snowballed so quickly. Bucky’s thoughts went back and forth like ping pong balls, their impact giving him a headache that shifted into a stomachache. And all of it was so small. It was such a small thing that he couldn’t even find it among all the useless, unfounded panic.

He wanted the room to crumble just to have something important to worry about, wanted the ground under him to disintegrate so he wouldn’t have to think. Steve’s hand was on his shoulder, his legs stretched out next to Bucky’s. 

“Alright. What’s wrong, Buck?”

He didn’t know how to give Steve an honest answer, because he didn’t know what the honest answer would be. He felt as though the world was both too far away and tucked forcefully under his ribs. He felt like sobbing. Steve could never find a home in such a cramped place. 

“I’m not— I don’t— You’re so—” Bucky huffed sharply, his throat and cheeks burning with the force to keep himself from crying, “You’re so much.”

Bucky couldn’t bring himself to look at Steve, but the silence was as good as a glare. Despite the heaviness of it, Bucky doesn’t feel plugged in enough to feel him, or this, or anything other than himself, like all his emotions are on their own island, swirling around him like a storm, and Steve is watching from a distance, so far away and apart, his words carrying across oceans. 

_ Drama queen.  _

“I… I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.”

“You’re so good,” Bucky continues, “You’re so much, but it’s all good. All of you.”

“And that makes you… Upset?”

“I’m not. I’m not like that. I’m not like you--”

“Bucky—”

“And I know, I know that’s dramatic--”

“Buck—”

“I know. Sorry. We can just— We should put on a movie or something. I’ll get over it.”

There was another pause, and Bucky was sure Steve would do just that: get up, and put on a movie, and hold Bucky the way he did after a nightmare, and they would never bring it up again. Bucky would’ve been okay with that. But instead, the hand on Bucky’s shoulder became the hand on his cheek, and Steve was turning his head so gently. 

“Where’s this all coming from?”

Bucky sniffed and shrugged, “Just… Being here.”

“We’ve been here before.”

“Not  _ here. _ Not this.”

“Ah...” Steve’s hand went to Bucky’s neck, and he nearly shivered, “What’re you scared of?”

Bucky tried to not take that personally or like an accusation. He breathed slowly, looking down at the space between them, “...I don’t want to ruin it. Us. Outside of this. I want you around.”

“I’m right here, Buck.”

“For a long time. I want you around for a long time.”

Steve’s smile was small but sweet, “I’d like to be around to a long time.”

“Even if this doesn’t work out.”

“Of course.”

Bucky looked him in the eyes, his hand clutching Steve’s arm, “Promise.”

Steve tilted his head, a twinkle in his eyes, “‘Til the end of the line, Bucky. Promise.”

The room slowed down then, and Bucky’s heartbeat filled more with youth than anxiety. Steve was stupidly good at calming down all the parts that Bucky had no control over. He lifted his head and their faces were so close. Bucky pushed his chin up a nanometer as an invitation-- one Steve took without hesitation. And somewhere between their hearts beating in sync, their lips met. And it was something much quieter than death, something much sweeter than any release Bucky could think of, something much bigger than their bodies. In that moment, they were of one heart, and that moment lasted forever.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> my first marvel fic, n my first stevebucky thing. i recently developed a very focused obsession with cap n bucky so this is the result of that n about 15 uni au fics. it was meant to be softer, but... that didn't happen. 
> 
> also its gifted to a friend bc they're a good part of the reason i even got into cap <3<3
> 
> hope you enjoyed! feel free to comment n leave kudos! <3


End file.
